See more LOLBorisez at I HAZ A LUNDUN! Please make more and submit them. I sense a rich vein of comedy here.

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Today I got a council tax reminder notice saying that if I didn’t pay my late council tax within the next seven days I would be taken to court and incur an additional £95 court cost. It’s dire straights these days: I had to choose between paying the council tax or buying food this week. I chose food.

And speaking of food, has anyone else noticed it’s gone up? I dropped £12 today at Tescos for:

Toilet Paper
Coffee
Milk
Honey
2 Fishes (where you have to skin, bone and chop off the head yourself ’cause it’s cheaper)
Honey (which PJ has in tea instead of sugar, which is bad for him)
2 apples
2 bagles

Anyway, called the Council to see if they could give me a reprieve. It’s an 0845 number, by the way, which I don’t understand ’cause it’s the government, right? At first the very nice lady said that she couldn’t help me because I’m not on income assistance. I told her that I couldn’t get on income assistance because I’m a foreigner and it’s illegal because of the visa and all. Eventually, she did help me. Gave me a 7 day extension before they take me to court.

The thing is that they didn’t have to help me at all because I’m not a voting citizen…I’m a foreigner, or did I say that already? I’m reminded that “no taxation without representation” was one of the reasons why American broke from this country to begin with. (All of you complaining about Boris…at least you got to vote.)

Then there’s the bank charges, but I don’t want to get into that yet. It’s too depressing.

You’re probably saying, “if you don’t like it then just go the hell home.” Well, honestly, at this point, I probably would. At least I can go on welfare and get food stamps back in the States. But because fuel prices are so high, I can’t afford the airfare.

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We love to mock the Americans for electing the clownish, idiotic George W. Bush: now we can boast the same honour.

By 140,000 votes (of 2,188,738), Boris Johnson is the elected leader of the largest electorate in Britain.

Here’s hoping that he’s neither the fool nor the bigot that he pretends to be. The Guardian calls it “his first really grown-up job“…and we all know how fun it is to work with a newbie.

I welcome your comments, especially disagreeing with me and welcoming a brave new Boris world: I sincerely hope you’re right.

Photo and graphic courtesy The Guardian

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In response to a question in the comments from eoinhouly:

…I do not view this mayoral election as meaningful. All major decisions regarding education, healthcare etc are made at parlimentary level and I feel this reduces the significance of the role they play.

They look after transport, policing and what else?

So, what is the point of voting in the local London elections tomorrow?

I’ve already ranted about how valuable it is is just to keep out the BNP. Keeping fascists out of power, locally or nationally, is no small thing. You don’t hove to man the barricades, just vote.

But what about reasons to vote for someone, rather than against someone? What does the mayor and assembly do?

Transport, police, fire and emergency services, cultural strategy, economic development and local policy relating to waste, culture and sport, health, and climate change.

Hey, that’s a lot of stuff [see more about it at the Mayor of London website]. Especially in a city of 7.5 million people…practically a small country in some ways.

For me, planning and development is very important. Building and land use in London is something that will effect my quality of life directly, and shape the city for many years to come.

Culture and sport may sound superficial, but even if the local council isn’t out there making foreign policy (although ours kind of is) these things do effect our day-to-day life, especially for families living in London.

Not to mention that old voting cliché: if you don’t vote, you can’t complain. And god, I love to complain!

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We have entered that springtime phenomenon known (by me) as crazy fucked-up bug mania in London time. It’s when there seem to suddenly be a million bugs everywhere. Each new year, a new range of bugs going procreation mental.

It’s a great thing we can all bond over. “What is with all the frickin’ wasps this year, man?” “No kidding! It’s like killer wasp attack central!”

This year it seems to be moths and some medium-sized flightless black beetle that I’ve never seen before. I’ve literally never experienced moth damage, and now they are eating my shiznit. And the beetles are, for some unknown reason, obsessed with my bathroom and will break in by any means necessary. (I swear my house is clean.)

Usually I am all Ghandi about bugs and gently relocate them, but this time of year it wears me down and I start killing them in some fruitless attempt at persuasion. “For every one of you that comes into my bathroom, I will kill ten beetles in your village!”

Photo courtesy wurzeltod via Flickr

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Just got back from L.A. and have been bitching and moaning about the weather since I stepped off the plane. I was actually wearing a spaghetti strapped dress three days ago…without a jumper on top. But, Spring is springing in London as well. “Spring Renaissance” will begin in Covent Garden on the 23rd of April. Horticultural events and celebrations will abound. Look out for the two giant 25 foot peacocks (I think maybe they are made of flowers and now real), return of the flower market, weekend workshops, hanging baskets and fun for the kiddies. Men were at work today planting stuff, so check it out! As a resident of Covent Garden, might I remind you to take your rubbish with you and don’t drink too much and vomit in the Piazza. It’s not a good look for anyone.

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During the few months I’ve been living in London, there have been at least two potentially catastrophic tube strikes called off. So when I see the BBC reporting that the RMT are planning yet another one, I can’t help but feel like I’m justified in suffering from strike-threat fatigue.

I don’t even get what the fuss is about, to be honest. Given that “TfL said it had assured the RMT that no staff would lose jobs or pensions, nor would any be transferred”, the fact that “the RMT wants a guarantee that Metronet workers will be allowed to join the TfL pension scheme and receive the same travel facilities as other TfL employees” seems like a pretty poor reason to try and bring an entire city to a standstill.

But don’t get me wrong, I’m a massive fan of unionisation and what it’s given this country, and others.

Actually, here’s a fantastic example from South Africa from this very week. Despite the fact that Zimbabwe has bought some arms from China - and that South Africa’s National Conventional Arms Control Committee has approved the transit of the weapons through the country - the members of the SATAWU union are refusing to unload the arms from the cargo ships because they disagree with their government’s lack of action on the issue.

Now that’s what I call solidarity. I suspect that if the RMT picked an issue that actually had a lot of public support to strike on, it’d be less likely to have to back down…

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If you’re going to vote in the upcoming elections for the London Mayor and Assembly, and have a bit of a green tint to you, it’s well worth checking out some of the recent podcasts on Guardian Environment Weekly.

This week featured the Lib Dem candidate Brian Paddick, last week it was the Labour incumbent Ken Livingstone - and I can only assume Boris Johnson is coming up soon! Oh, and the (easily) most attractive candidate in the race, the Greens’ Sian Berry, was on the show back in February. You can find the entire audio archive at www.guardian.co.uk/environment/environment+content/audio. Read more

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FixMyStreet is another wonderful, simple app from MySociety. Use it to quickly report graffiti, fly-tipping, broken streetlighting, or whatever blights your morning stroll.

All you have to do is enter your postcode, click a map to locate the issue, and even upload photos of your favourite eyesores. I reported a burned out scooter that brightens up my daily commute.

I also had a jolly time looking at posts from other complainers; very satisfying curtain-twitching.

Photo courtesy of El Freddy via Flickr

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Politics may not be your bag. You may find it all overwhelming and depressing these days. You may prefer to vote for ice-dancing celebrities than boring people in suits. But it is more important than ever that you vote in this year’s London elections on May 1.

It is more important than ever that you vote in this year’s London elections on May 1

Whether you love Red Ken, find Boris charmingly hilarious, or fancy the pants off Brian Paddick (I do, all of the above, oddly).

You don’t even have to vote for mayor, if you can’t stomach it. Write “screw you, New World Order” on your mayoral ballot. But vote in the London Assembly vote, and vote to keep out the BNP.

That means voting for anyone else. This is because the London Assembly has ‘proportional representation’: any party that gets 5% of first choice votes is in with a chance of an assembly seat under the system.

According to the BBC, at the last London elections the BNP got 4.8% of the vote and the party is confident it will get at least one seat this May. The BNP has tried hard to change their image and hide their white supremacist hate views. Check out Searchlight’s Stop the BNP site to learn about the real BNP and their candidates.

Your vote does count in the London elections. The more people vote, the less likely it is that extremest parties of all kinds will win seats. The BNP is working hard to get out every single voter that will support them. All we have to do to stop them is get out every single voter that will support anyone else!

You don’t even have to be a British citizen; if you are a Commonwealth or EU citizen you can also vote. You must register to vote, but you have lots of time until the April16 deadline. (Being on the register of voters also helps with things like loan and mortgage applications.)

If you have never voted before, this is your chance to vote and know that it will make a difference!

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I’ve posted a couple of times about my love of derelict London, and I’m happy to hear that the fantastic Derelict London website is releasing a book on 24 April. You can preorder it now from the publisher and get a 35% discount if you quote the promotional code “derelict” before that date.

If you’ve ever peeped curiously through a gap in a boarded-up window or wondered why the building you pass every day is looking distinctly the worse for wear, this is very definitely the book for you.

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The Independent Asylum Commission has released its report of the state of our asylum system, and they call it ’shameful’ and ’seriously below the standards to be expected of a humane and civilised society.’

Please let this be a wake-up to the fact that refugees are suffering in this country. Listening to the news, which helpfully points out any crime or allegation that involves an asylum seeker, you would think that they are the source of all of our problems. In fact, they suffering in a system that ‘combines incredible complexity with systemic incompetence.’ I’m talking about unlawful incarceration of families, children and torture survivors, combined with the hell of endless, fathomless court dates.

Humane treatment is simply what is needed.

Photo courtesy Independent Asylum Commission

This is something that happens to me a lot in clubs. I’ll be shaking my bootie to some tronic, and the guy next to me will shout: “Yeah! I love this tune! Don’t you love this tune!” I just shake my head in affirmation because I don’t want to embarrass myself by saying: “I have never heard this tune before, I think it’s crap, and I’m only dancing because if I sit down I will fall asleep.”

I really want to go to one of the Shellac Sisters gigs. From their website: “The Shellac Sisters are four glamorous retrochics who dress in all things vintage and play 78rpm records on 1920s wind-up gramophones.” Yeah. And I’d like to wear a dress…a nice one with frills. And a hat too.

Myspace link here.

Thanks to Boing Boing.

A new networking project centered around art in new mobile technologies is launching in April. Filmobile will “explore the cultural impact brought about by new mobile technologies and initiate debates between artists, the media and the new mobile industry.” The events are free (which ain’t often in the capital), so check it out if you’re interested in flogging your art and craft at these “mini venues.” Thanks to the good folks at Shooting People for alerting us to this event.

Photo from The Mobile Weblog.

My mate and fellow LFS alumni Duncan is in the middle of filming his first feature “Moon” at Shepperton Studios (not technically London, I know, but close enough). Sam Rockwell is in the lead playing a scientist returning to Earth after a three-year sojourn on the Moon.

I’ve been getting updates from Duncan during shooting, but the one he sent today is a whopper. “Moon” was featured on Film 2008 with Jonathan Ross. It’s after the “10,000 BC” bit.

If you’re interested in Sci-Fi and have a penchant for those classic films of the 70s, this will be the film for you. Duncan’s references are the likes of “Alien” (the original) and “Silent Running.” It won’t be out ’til 2009, but Rockwell will be around for a few more weeks, so you might catch sight of him strutting around central. If you do, give me a ring. He is hot!

Check out Duncan on the set with cool production design and super cool geek equipment wot I don’t know anything about but looks cool anyway.

Rockwell photo from IMDB.