NEVER go to the Haelan Centre, Crouch End

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…because possibly the biggest c*nt in all of London is manager there. I’m still enraged over a relatively minor incident that happened there almost 24 hours ago, but the manager has messed with the wrong person.

I had a day off from my Crap Temp Job and went flat hunting. Even though my own flat sale is still in the process of being completed, I thought I would check out some areas in London yesterday where I was keen to move. I visited a few estate agents in Green Lanes and Crouch End, and then later in the afternoon was going to meet Francesco, along with my friend David, for lunch. But around 12 noon I was feeling a little hungry, so I popped into the Haelan Centre, an organic wholefood “establishment” in Crouch End, specifically looking for some Atkins Diet branded food (I’m an Atkins devotee). I couldn’t see anything on the shelves, so I spotted this man stacking shelves in the fridge and decided to ask him if I was missing the Atkins stuff. After all, every health store in the UK carries Atkins range stuff.

“Excuse me,” I said, “but where do you keep the Atkins Diet stuff?”

This man looked up at me, and down his slightly greasy nose, and said, “Sorry. We don’t BELIEVE in Atkins here.”

No shit. If only I could relay the extreme arrogance that this specimen relayed in that short quote, your jaw would be dropping as far to the floor as mine did at that moment. I looked him in his beady eyes and said, “Well, it worked for me,” turned on my heel, and left.

I was vegetarian for 15 years before I started this Atkins diet, and despite attempting to eat well and with as much organic food as possible, I was always overweight, constantly having to take a dump, and had periods of extreme iron deficiency. Since I started Atkins in December and gave up being vegetarian, I’ve lost 20kg (44 lbs) and kept it off. I feel better than ever, my skin has totally cleared up, and I have so much energy I sometimes have trouble trying to sleep at night. So WHO the FUCK is this guy to decry the value that Atkins has had for me and millions of other people?

Turns out this shelf-stacker is the manager of the store as well. How nice of him to do a lowly job as replenishing stock, what a trooper. I found this fact out over lunch from David, who knows someone who used to work there and had even fewer nice things to say about the manager and his general c*nt-like tendencies.

So for anyone who lives in Crouch End, or spots this little organic centre on their travels, avoid it. People who speak to customers like that don’t deserve your business, even if their lofty and outdated ideals want to deter people from shopping there. Also, please note the evil, large hand over the organic parsley in the picture. It probably belongs to John, the manager, who couldn’t resist posing with some organic food. I just wish I could hack into that site and have every link go directly to www.atkins.com/uk.

But man, having owned my own place for almost 7 years, and now looking for an apartment to rent for when I come back from Edinburgh, it’s hard work. For the most part, the estate agents I’ve visited have been alright, but the quality of flats is still as bad as when I was last renting. Standard colour for the walls – cream. Standard colour of the carpets – gray. Carpet in the bathroom. Old light fixtures, tiny windows, noise from another flat thanks to a bad conversion. Plus everything is so expensive, unless I move out to Zone 743, which I think is north of Inverness. My current thinking is to rent a 2 bedroom flat, and get a lodger to cover the rent. In the areas I want to live – I can either pay up to £850 for a one-bed to live alone, or split the rent of a 2-bed and pay about £550. Yes, I’ll have to live with someone else and it’s a compromise on the privacy I’m used to by currently living alone, but I want the square metre-age, and if it takes sharing with one other, I’ll do it. The goal is to find something before I go up to Scotland for all of August, so when I return, I will have someplace to go.

6 Comments so far

  1. (unregistered) on July 13th, 1904 @ 3:07 am

    your a bit touchy aren’t you. Maybe you should cut down on your red meat


  2. (unregistered) on July 13th, 1904 @ 3:14 am

    I like this man, I’d do the same thing as I dont believe in atkins either, if you want to lose some weight stop eating and start exercising, tubby.


  3. (unregistered) on July 13th, 1904 @ 6:56 am

    That manager sounds wonderful. Reminds me of a fine landlord who donned rubber gloves to pick up a copy of the Daily Mail and dump it in the street: “We know what to do with things like that.”


  4. THE GOLDEN BOY'S LUSTRE (unregistered) on July 15th, 1904 @ 1:04 am

    Dearest one who is afraid to use your name.
    The manager was a complete and utter twat, I hardly think that’s over reacting. I don’t take things on the chin and whinge about it in a non-commital way like most Brits do.


  5. THE GOLDEN BOY'S LUSTRE (unregistered) on July 16th, 1904 @ 12:31 pm

    Dearest Ga5tn.
    Really glad to see that, because I express an opinion, I am now the twat.
    A vegetarian diet may work for you, but it did nothing for me despite being pretty fit. I was a convert to an organic way of living and tried my best not to indulge in crap, as my skin can’t take much artificial stuff. And just because you are happy with it doesn’t mean that it’s the only way to eat properly.


  6. Kreechah (unregistered) on July 8th, 2005 @ 12:38 pm

    Yesterday, 50 people died in London and many more were injured. Today, A woman from the Haelan centre calls me because I dared putting a leaflet amongst their own therapists’ leaflets. Told me not to do it again and that she will bin it. They don’t even recycle!!!!! She was aggressive and threatened me on the phone. And the award for “I DON’T BELIEVE WE LIVE ON THE SAME PLANET GOES TO…” The Haelan centre in Crouch End.Dont’ go there, they don’t care about us.



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