For those of you who are new in town, like I was once, and can’t live without the fishies on dishies, let me lay it all out for you. Here’s my guide to SUSHI IN CENTRAL LONDON.

I say Central because there AIN’T NO SUSHI in East London (prove me wrong, please! But don’t give me some “EC1″ crap.) and I don’t know shit about West London (or South London, but I’m sure that goes without saying to any Londoner).

This guide is for people who, like me, like their sushi cheap, fresh and plentiful. If you can afford Nobu or whatever, you don’t need this guide. Get the Michelin or some crap.

YO SUSHI
All over the shop

Yo Sushi is crap. It used to be the saviour of Britain with its outposts in Edinburgh and its introduction of kaiten and all that shiznit. Now it’s all Western-style sushi alternatives and dry-ass salmon nigiri and stupid £5 big rolls and ohmygod GAG sundried tomato maki!?!?!?

That being said, if you are going for sushi with some lameass who is afraid of it, or if you are just dying for a piece and you are stuck in Selfridges or some crap, go for it. Order the tuna takeaway and it’s almost worth the money, plus it may be slightly fresh since no one else is eating tuna nigiri in there, they’re all eating egg-asparagus-hot-pepper futomaki or some bullshit.

KULU KULU
In sushi-lovers’ strip Brewer Street, Soho

Kulu Kulu is as good as it gets. Which is kind of a bad reflection on London sushi, since it’s grimy and a bit unpredictable. But, on a good day you can stuff yourself with decent salmon nigiri at unheard of prices (£1.50 for two? Is this a wonderful dream?). That’s pretty much my top priority, and should be yours! Plus I love kaiten; literally: “Turning of the Heavens”, truer words were never translated.

HI! SUSHI
Soho again baby (there’s one in Hampstead too), Frith Street

The only place for all-you-can-eat, although it’s done in a very strange style where you note what you want but THEY decide how much of it you deserve. So each round of ordering is a bit of a lottery, and beware: once they realize that you are going to JUST KEEP ORDERING they will bring you the biggest plate of salmon nigiri in the world and then you will feel a bit sick.

TARO
Brewer Street yo

A great place when you are willing to spend, like £20 instead of £10 cause it’s your hot blogger girlfriend’s birthday or whatever. The sign shows a big round happy man’s face, and a big round happy man’s face is what you’re gonna get when the dude welcomes you into his fine establishment. Full kitchen menu with noodles, and lots of Japanese youth clientele too.

ARIGATO
Brewer Street, are you even listening!?

This is a Japanese supermarket with a sushi counter in the back. The real deal, non-English speaking Japanese chef, very friendly but don’t try to bust out with some special roll here. Get your negitoro roll, sit down at one of the two tiiiiiiny tables, and shut up/enjoy. Exactly as good as a sushi counter in the back of a supermarker would have to be, which is to say: good.

And then there’s the 50,000 small sushi restaurants that’ll be happy to take your £50 for five nigiri and a cucumber roll: if you’re desperate, Find Me Sushi should be able to sort you out.

Man, am I hungry!

Related posts:

1. Seven Sushi Samurai
2. Yo Sushi at Harvey Nichols
3. Down and Out in Central London
4. Polygamy in Central London
5. The London Loo Papers, Part II: Time, Gentlemen, please . . .